“I scream, You scream, We all scream for misshapen ice cream Ninja Turtles!”.  We all have memories as kids hanging in a friends yard doing what kids do, and then we hear that familiar jingle and everyone just shrieking like fucking zombies and bum rushing to get some goodness.

I don’t know about you dear readers, but I got the feeling watching this film that it wasn’t originally intended as a horror. From the opening moments, you’d think that it was a horror, with it having all the familiar ingredients.

However, despite it filling all the required marks, the film instead feels more like it was originally written as a psychological drama about a woman coming to terms with getting older, which is after all one of the film’s recurring themes.

Mary, the star of the film, constantly reminisces that she’s getting older, hesitant to engage in an affair with younger man Max because as she states “I’m old enough to be your mother”. I should note that she says that line after she has sex with Max, in a playground no less. A bit late on that revelation don’t you think??

Now that would be an intriguing story idea in itself, except that lead actress Deanna Russo (who plays Mary) really doesn’t’ seem that old at all, with her seemingly in her early 30s at most, with even her male co-star pointing out she’s really not old at all.

Also, I don’t know why references to Dancing with the Stars make her feel old because last time I checked that show is still very much on the air and has only been on since 2005. Yet she refers to it like it was something that would come on after All In The Family or fucking Happy Days (now those are some old timey for you).

The irony is that her love interest Max, a high school graduate, seems the one too old, with him looking more like a man in his mid to late 20s than a teenager. I know some people look older/younger than they actually (hell, I look younger than I actually am) but when you make ageing a core theme of your film, at least cast actors who look like they could convincingly fit bill of “older woman” and “younger man”.

written by Christopher Ball

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